“Taking the child in his arms, Jesus said to them, ‘Whoever welcomes
one of these little children in my name welcomes me’” (Mark 9:36)
Jesus not only spoke these words,
but he modeled them in the New Testament.
His love drew a circle of safety around each child. He welcomed them. He made it look simple, but in reality, there
are a few bridges we need to cross to get to that relaxed place of simple
communion with a child. What does one do
for sixty minutes to keep a child’s attention and create communication? How do we apply Elijah House teaching to
minister to the children who are wounded burden bearers or victims of divorce
or abuse? What do we do with the angry
child who is controlling others or the adopted child who steals and lies? What about the child whose spirit is asleep
due to neglect or lack of nurture?
On the surface, the goals of the
counseling time are much the same as with an adult. However, with children, we need to use some
creativity to discover ways to get into their world. Just as Jesus allowed the children to come to
him, so we foster a milieu that allows the child time to come to us on their
terms. We give them the space to bring
to us what they want us to know about themselves. We invite them to draw their own picture
(using whatever tools they desire) of the fruit in their lives.
Initially through Jesus, we need
to build trust so that the child will be safe.
They may have many reasons not to trust us. Going slow and allowing the child to bond is
crucial. Children know if you are in a
hurry or if you are after something from them.
They get nervous and shut down as soon as they discern that you have an
agenda. Pray that Jesus will reveal to
them His heart for them.
Giving them choices gives them
dignity. Ask them what they would like
to do that day. Personally, I give the
child a choice of puppets, sand tray, coloring pads, play dough or doll
house. Any choice they make allows me to
listen to what is on their mind. I
listen by watching their play. I respect
them by not interfering, interpreting or leading their play. When something important is happening, I
invite them to share from their perspective.
I am careful not to read into what they are doing. Then we meet with
Jesus and invite Him into their situation.
Children will let you know when
they do not want to work on an issue anymore.
One day, I was reading a book called, “The Touching Book” to a
child. At a certain point, she shut the
book and asked to go outside. I knew she
was wanting to disclose something to me, but she was starting to feel
crowded. So we went out and had a swing
side by side. As we were swinging, we
chatted. She relaxed and asked, “Have
you ever had anyone touch you with bad touching?” So I told her about the neighbor boy who
touched me when I was a little girl and how it was not my fault and that I was
not bad. That opened the doorway for her
to tell me that it was not a little boy but a big man that had touched
her. She immediately slipped off the
swing and ran over to hug the shaggy dog.
Following her lead, we went on a walk with her hand resting on the dog’s
head. As she walked, I prayed silently
for the Lord to remove shame and guilt, to wash and cleanse, to separate and
free her. By the time we returned, she
was exuberant. She had begun the healing
process.
Having a tea time with the children can be very
nurturing. It is a special time that they can look forward to. With a cup of hot chocolate, hot cider or
juice they spend the time talking about some of the things they worked on in
the play. They seem to be better able to
put their feelings into words after play.
Sometimes they tell me of the many ways that they tried to tell a parent
or teacher that they were afraid or angry.
Often their message was hiding in a package that the adult did not
recognize. The picture can be so
confusing that the parent will miss the fact that a child is being abused by a
baby-sitter, teacher or trusted adult.
One child will hit other children, another will cry and cling, and a
third child will become silent or withdrawn.
One previously confident child suddenly changed into a rejected and
insecure child. We need to listen to our
children with all of our senses while listening to the Holy Spirit. If He tells you to rock a child who is long
past rocking age, be obedient. For one
mother, rocking was the comfort the silent abused child needed but could not
ask for.
Healing for the child is very
similar to healing for an adult. At some
point, they need to forgive and be forgiven.
If the do not, they will learn to hate and their heart will become
hard. They have ways of letting you know
when they are ready. One child asked for
the cross on the wall, got some white Kleenex and covered characters with
it. She then put dabs of dark play dough
on the cross. “There”, she said, “That’s
over!” and so it was. The necessary
exchange had taken place. “And Jesus said, ‘Let the little children
come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as
these. I tell you the truth; anyone who
will not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’
And he took the children in His arms, put his hands on them and blessed
them.” (Mark 10:14)
Go and do likewise.
By Della Headley
(Acknowledgments
to all the children who have blessed me by teaching me how to listen and to
Mary Gretsinger of Kamloops for her insights and the creation of the Feelings
Puzzle and Hula Hoop Boundaries).
